Backlash comes in all sorts of guises.
The most effective seeks authority by spouting seemingly reasonable claims on wildly popular platforms. Saturday Night Live, with its ten million viewers, and a decidedly liberal bias, is a perfect platform for projecting #MeToo backlash while pretending not to.
Last Saturday’s “CBC Report” sketch (click for link) portrayed Bill Hader as a Canadian film producer accused of sexual harassment. The backlash was hidden within a commonly held – and supposedly amusing – cultural assumption that Canadians are nice.
Cecily Strong, playing the CBC anchor asks Hader, “Can you tell the folks at home what you did exactly?”
Hader responds, “Yeah, I had this assistant, and I was real inappropriate with her, saying stuff like ‘You look nice today,’ or ‘What kind of sunglasses are those?’ Really pestering her. Well, she got ticked, and I just went ahead and resigned.” Then one of Hader’s ‘victims’ is interviewed and she says, “…so I’m minding my own business when he walks in and says ‘That’s a nice sweater you got there. And I’m thinking that’s a bit forward.’
The ostensible joke is Canadians are so overly scrupulous that they practically self-flagellate when their only crime is a compliment.
But there’s another message: Complimenting women is dangerous to your career. Women look for insults. Women are unreasonable and overly-sensitive. You can’t say anything to women co-workers without risking their wrath, being fired, and your entire life being ruined.
The irony is this sketch demonstrated the same “over-reach” and “collapse of categories” that the #MeToo movement has been accused of.
Giving a compliment is not even in the same universe as sexual harassment.
Is it actually possible that there is a large swath of straight men who don’t know the difference between, “I like that sweater you’re wearing” and “I like how your breasts look in that sweater?” No, I don’t believe so. Instead, this sketch was about male grievance seeking equal time. But there’s no equivalency here. Fearing a well-intentioned compliment will ruin your career is an over-reaction. It’s the position of a victim, motivated by buried anger at having to consider one’s behavior.
Characterizing #MeToo as a movement that’s contaminated the simplest exchanges between men and women (like an innocent compliment) is factually untrue. Refusing to see that is destructive and petty.
DarkSexism 
Reblogged this on Stephen David Hurley and commented:
Great insight.
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There has been more than one occasion in the past where I have offered a sincere compliment to a woman on her appearance. And there have been times when the response, either in her eyes or in her stance says: “What are you really saying?” That wave of suspicion is understandable. It’s also discouraging. I find myself being extra careful in today’s climate, just to be safe, and to make sure that everyone around me feels safe as well. I just wish that the complex dynamic between men and women wasn’t so weighed down!
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The SNL skit was an obvious exaggeration for humor. But frankly I think men need guidelines to help them know what is and isn’t appropriate. I think a good guideline is what they taught me in massage therapy school- and that is intent. A person can sense the intent behind your touch. If it’s a therapeutic intent, the client can sense this. If it’s a sexual intent, the client an sense this as well, so we were alerted to be aware of this. If a man says “That is a nice sweater you are wearing” and really means the sweater that is okay. If he says “That is a nice SWEATER you’re wearing, with a tone suggesting it is more about what is under the sweater than it is about the sweater, then that is a sexual comment. We need to monitor the intent of our words, more than the words themselves. Once again I’m glad you are elucidating this issue with your blog Gay!
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I agree ‘intent’ is crucial. Thanks for bringing this up. Intent is the underlying motivation behind the behavior. We are in moment where it’s incumbent on straight men to challenge their own intent, a moment where blind entitlement is no longer acceptable.
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Sure. And yes men have to monitor and control the intent of their words and actions upon women.
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